I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
