P.S. I can't hear my feet
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
