New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize