My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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