I love black thongs
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
