well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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