So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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