So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize