i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
