Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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