You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
