You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
