I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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