This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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