Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
