So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
