yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
