Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
