Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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