His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
