I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
