There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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