it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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