now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
