exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
