You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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