before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
