I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
