Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
