Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
