If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was CRYING into my vagina
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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