No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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