Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
