the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
