I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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