the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
