I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
