Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
