Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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