I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
