Nicole vs. Life
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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