I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
