you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
