yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
