yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
