So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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