I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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