there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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