see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize