you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
