When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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