I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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