I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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