Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
