I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
