Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize