Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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