I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
