dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
