my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
May the power of my ass compel you!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
