can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
