so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
