And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
