OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize