I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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