as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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