Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
