my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
