umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
