R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
