or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
