We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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