If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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